Fresh Starts in the Snow
Sudden snow. Big, fluffy snowflakes that actually stick. A snow day was called for, schools closed and work cancelled, so the magic is extra special. Time to bundle up and play in the snow, time afterwards to stay cozy inside, making soup while outside the window, the snow still falls. Tomorrow’s morning commute pushed into the back corners of our minds. The twinkly lights I left up after Christmas paying off now, even more.
It’s almost Valentine’s Day and things are beginning to feel like a fresh start here. Perhaps we are somehow aligned more with the Chinese New Year than January 1st, perhaps the moon holds more sway? January passed in a blur of colds and stomach flus and more colds. There was a lot of Netflix and Cadbury’s chocolate mini eggs (Christmas barely over and they are everywhere). There was little real exercise beyond hiking in the woods. There was guilt, and plenty of it. There was stress and unexpected hard news. There was far too much time spent playing Wordscapes on my phone (if you don’t know what that is, don’t bother finding out; it’s an addiction if ever there was one). In short, it wasn’t my favourite.
There was a discovery, too, an epiphany of sorts.
Because threaded throughout, buried deep in my subconscious, the distinct feeling that joy was not an option, that feeling good was beyond reach as long as I neglected my good habits.
It’s misguided, is all, this idea that we have to earn our happiness. Sure, certain behaviours do leave us feeling better than other behaviours, I won’t deny that. Devoting energy to those behaviours that lift us up is absolutely a worthy pursuit. But when we start to punish ourselves for not doing the things that we “should”, we are shooting ourselves in the foot, adding insult to injury. We keep ourselves down, so to speak, refusing to let our joy bubble up as a means of punishment. It’s a habit, a subconscious belief unworthy of us. This belief that we are unworthy of joy if we aren’t doing all the good things we are supposed to do, it keeps us from doing them! We feel bad, guilty, and from a bad feeling place we make bad-feeling choices. We wouldn’t say to our beautiful child who slept badly, behaved badly, felt ill, “well, now you don’t deserve to laugh and be happy. You better suffer, pay your dues for your bad behaviour by feeling bad longer”. Ludicrous. But we do it to ourselves all the time.
And so.
It’s back to reading good books, eating more veggies, and going to yoga. Not because I should. Not because it is the morally superior thing to do. Simply because I am in the mood to. It’s all ok. Sometimes we move, sometimes we rest. Sometimes we eat too many chocolate eggs.
If you’re interested in coaching with me to free yourself from limiting beliefs and create a life you truly love, read more about it here, or contact me for a free consultation.
