So, we’re almost a week into the New Year - I believe today is the Epiphany, the end of the Christmas season.

I have always loved the secular meaning of the word epiphany:

a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

An epiphany, a realization, an understanding, an intuitive insight. Are you having any of those? Are you making room for them in your days?

In any case, here we are, 2019. How’s it going? Did you make resolutions? Are you sticking to them? Have you already fallen off track and begun to dwell in negativity? Perhaps you haven’t begun yet, and tomorrow is the day you take charge, leap forward into the new you.

I love a new beginning, a fresh start, a new journal. The planning, the hope, the dreaming, the certainty. It’s important. I appreciate that something like the New Year, gives us this opportunity to see ourselves in a new light, to believe in ourselves, believe we can be who we want to be, believe we can make the changes we want to make. In fact, I love that we have somehow created this ritual, that we believe a change in the calendar sanctions, encourages, gives us permission to change our behaviour.

Sometimes, though, this belief takes on a sense of strain, as we reject who we are now, in search of someone we believe we should be. Inherent in many of our resolutions is this idea that we need to be better, that we should behave differently. The problem with this is that most of us rebel against “should”. Sooner or later (sooner for most of us), we reject the taskmaster Should, stomp our feet, cross our arms and yell, “NO! You’re not the boss of me! I’m not going to the gym, I’m gonna go watch TV!”

And so, believing we have no discipline, we fail, lose faith in ourselves, and end up defeated and depressed, returning to old habits with a vengeance.

Listen, I’m here to tell you you don’t need more willpower. Yes, discipline is important, but perhaps not in the way you think it is. The only discipline you need, is the discipline to check in with your heart, to keep checking in with your heart (or your gut, or your soul), and to do what it tells you.

What you need, I believe, is more love. I want you to love yourself so much that you care for yourself in the ways that make you feel loved. I want you to have the discipline to reject negative self-talk. I want you to have the love it takes to investigate why you want to do a thing. I want you to find a why that thrills you, not one that condemns you. When that why is exciting, I want you to practice remembering that this excitement is worthy.

We don’t create deep, meaningful, and thrilling lives from doing what we “should” do; we create them from doing what we truly want to do.

We need to love ourselves enough to put our dreams where we can see them, and to treat them as a priority. We need to love ourselves enough to enjoy pursuing them, to allow ourselves breathing room, and to commit to nurturing them. We need to pay attention to that flicker inside our bodies, and we need to trust it.

I want you to live a life that is deep, rich with the beauty of being alive, is all. I want you to have more joy and less worry, more play and less fear. I want you to remember who you are and why you’re here, and to feel that profoundly in your day. There is a rich and meaningful life for you, and it probably isn’t going to be found by losing 10 lbs, or getting to the gym more. I’m not saying those things can’t happen, I’m saying they have a better chance of sticking around if you are happy, deeply alive in each moment.

So, perhaps this is my epiphany on this Epiphany: all you need is love, and love means paying attention. Pay attention to how you feel, to what sparks joy for you, to what stirs your soul. Then, trust that through paying attention, you will be led, step by joyful step, forward.

how to make and keep your resolutions this year:

Step 1: Pay attention. This probably means getting quiet, it might mean getting still, meditating or journaling. Perhaps it means a hike in the woods or a solo walk around the seawall. Whatever the practice, take some time to slow down, create some space so that you can hear your own voice, feel the sensations in your own body.

Step 2: Choose the right resolutions! Choose resolutions that really resonate with you, that mean something to you on a deep level. Don’t join a gym because you’re supposed to, do it if you know you truly want to feel good from the inside out. Maybe then you realize it isn’t a gym you want, but a pilates studio, or to run outside, or to take a broadway dance class. Maybe what you choose is to sleep more, or to see more movies, to do more fun things. Whatever you choose (if you choose anything at all - there are no rules that say you must make resolutions), let it be something that thrills you, excites you, calls you forward.

Step 3: Keep paying attention. Commit to your choice, and then keep choosing it. Or not. In other words, choose your actions consciously. Some days you will skip the gym and watch netflix. On those days, consciously choose to stay cozy inside, watching movies, and enjoy it! You’ll get back to the gym, if you pay attention to how you feel, when you want to. Trust that. As you change, your resolutions may shift - that’s ok! Just keep paying attention, keep up the practices that connect you with your heart, and proceed accordingly.

Step 4: Have compassion for yourself. Forgive yourself when you fall off track. If you do, it will be so much easier to get back on track. Treat yourself the way you would treat a child you love; no harsh criticism, simply offer love, encouragement, and remember you are a human being and you’re doing great. You don’t need to change to be worthy. Any changes you are making are simply about loving yourself and enjoying your life.

Step 5: Find the fun. Whatever you choose, find the fun! Life is supposed to be fun. Somewhere along the line a lot of us got mixed up and started thinking it is supposed to be hard. Why would we ever deny ourselves enjoyment? Do what you need to do to make your day more pleasant. Find a way to make keeping your resolutions a pleasure - if you truly, deeply want to eat in a more healthy way that supports you, make the preparation of it a fun affair with good music, or a good podcast, give yourself lots of time, really be present to the smells, the sounds of the cooking - really engage your senses. I guarantee that the more you enjoy doing your resolutions, the more likely you are to keep them. Do what you need to do to make them as pleasurable as possible. Join the gym with the spa-like feel, make your bedroom as cozy as possible so that you look forward to going to bed early, enlist some friends who also want to turn over a new leaf and support one another with a group text thread, company, a reward when you reach your goal.

Wishing you all a joyful 2019. May we all kick Should to the curb and enjoy our lives more!