Throwing with Gusto
Listen, I’m a teacher. I spend a lot of my time in a position of being the one in the room or studio “who knows”, the one who others depend upon to know, who is leading others through their learning journey. I truly believe that I teach best when I am invested in learning, when I am not entrenched in the position of “I know, you don’t”. It is when teaching is most rewarding, engaging, fun. To be learning with the student, discovering, exploring. It’s quite magical at times.
And yet. To be the student! To have the mantle of responsibility lifted, to be lead through a class, to be guided, to embark on a journey whose direction I have no clue about - such a gift!
Lately I’ve been going to yoga classes. I love them. I love pilates (I teach it here), and I always will. I believe in it, I think everyone would love it, and would benefit from it, the world would be a better place if more people did it! I love the depth of the work, the way there is always more to explore. I love the transformative power of a pilates practice.
But yoga…being a student in a yoga class is a whole other journey for me. I am good at pilates. I’m not saying I am the world’s best, or that I don’t have things to learn, I do. In fact, one of the things I love about pilates is that you can always go deeper in the work. But still, I have a level of knowing that makes me pretty comfortable in the doing of it. I’m good and I know it and that’s great.
Yoga, though…I’m learning. There are poses I am pretty good at, and from an outside observer’s POV, I might look like I know what I’m doing. I have a background in dance and movement, and can pull off the look of experience in yoga. The thing is, though, I feel so very new at it! Every pose I am learning, Some I am getting better at - can see and feel improvement - others humble me every time (I’m looking at you, half-moon - WHY are you so difficult?!). I love the challenge, the way the classes keep my ego in check, the community of being there with others who are practicing as well. All of us, succeeding and stumbling and trying again.
To be learning is to feel alive. When we are young, every single day is filled to the brim with learning. The very act of living is one of newness, discovery, curiosity. Somewhere along the line it becomes so easy to assume we have learned and need not do so anymore. We become so-called “experts in our field”, people turn to us for our knowledge, experience, wisdom, guidance, and if we’re not careful, we assume that role in all facets of our life. We get so comfortable there, the thought of the other becomes scary, something to avoid at all costs, and so we do. It’s hard to learn something new. We might look stupid for a while, we might fail - a lot! Something happens, our ego stops us, the fear of being the one who doesn’t know, grows. And yet, to get good at anything, you have to be willing to be bad for a while.
When I was three, so I am told, I witnessed a gymnast execute a perfect flip/leap/feat of gymnastic brilliance on television. “I can do that!” I announced confidently, stood up, and proceeded to throw myself upside down with gusto. I landed squarely on my head. I sat down, said not a word, and continued to watch.
I want to keep throwing myself, head first,on the floor with gusto, embarrassment be damned.
Life is a combination of the stuff we know and the stuff we are learning, and if we are humble enough to keep learning, to keep admitting how much we don’t know, to keep our curiosity alive, life can be an ever-expanding adventure. Uncomfortable at times, to be sure, but enlivening.
And so, I go to yoga.
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